Everything I Need Page 13

  I take in Keelynn’s reaction to seeing them. How she inhales quickly, sharply. How she takes the hand not clasped in mine and brings it to her throat. Before dashing a tear from her cheek.

  I watch her physical reaction to the people she loved most in this world.

  “Hey you,” she whispers through her tears. “Been missing you like crazy.”

  Letting go of her hand, I step behind her then settle my hands on her jacket-covered shoulders while she crosses her arms over her chest. Bundling her coat around her.

  “I brought someone here I’d like you to meet,” she tells the ground before tilting her head to the side to look at me.

  I drop a kiss to the side of her forehead. Warm lips to cool skin.

  Then I watch her slender throat work through a swallow before she turns her head once more and speaks.

  “Gramma. Grampy.” She pauses then and steps out of my hold to stand at my side. “I’d like you to meet Merrick.” Her bright green eyes meet the dark of mine.

  “Sir. Ma’am,” I greet, just as I would if they were standing in front of me. Taking this seriously because I know she is. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Standing by her side, I listen as Keelynn catches up with her grandparents. Telling them about Between the Pages. How big Lena’s getting and how well Campbell and Mason are doing. She mentions Toni and her crazy antics. Chuckling as she tells them about Toni wanting ‘mermaid’ hair. Whatever the hell that is.

  Then she tells them about her.

  Me.

  Us.

  How we met and when.

  What I’m like. Like she’s proud of me.

  And damn it all to hell if it doesn’t make me proud, too. Because she’s chosen me to spend her time with. We may have fallen into this quickly and abruptly and further than planned, especially so soon because of the breakin. But this—her—has felt nothing but right from day one.

  Even when it felt so wrong.

  As she bundles closer into her jacket to ward off the chill, her conversation dwindles and I step up behind her, wrapping her into my arms. Trying to help warm her up.

  “You good?” I ask against the side of her head. My lips to her hair.

  “Mmm,” she quietly hums. “I am.” Her voice a soft whisper.

  I squeeze her tight and softly rock her side to side for a moment. Soaking up the time with her.

  When I release her, she bends at the knees while kissing the fingers of both hands and placing each to a headstone. “I love you both and miss you so, so much. But I know you’re looking down on us. Keeping us safe. Our guardian angels.”

  When she stands, we step away from the graves and walk up the pathway that leads to the parking lot. When we get to a crossroads, I look both ways.

  Then I stop.

  He stands there on the pathway, facing the direction of his truck. My hand encased in his.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, confused as to why he stopped and as to why he’s looking around.

  “Is…” He hesitates and trails off before making up his mind. Clearing his throat he continues. “Is Trevor buried here, too?”

  My heart takes off on a forty-meter dash. My throat suddenly parched. My hands now clammy.

  I pull my hand from Merrick’s and wipe my palms against my jeans.

  Swallowing harshly and licking my lips, I look up to see him watching me. “Just thought I could meet him…while we’re here.”

  “You—you want to meet him?”

  He looks perplexed now. As if me asking the question and being shocked by his statement is asinine. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  I stop and think then. Really think. Because why wouldn’t he?

  He would.

  “Yeah…he’s buried just down there,” I say and point down the opposite path of my grandparents.

  “I’d like to meet him if you’d let me.”

  I release a deep breath, as if I’d been holding it this entire time. My body sags in a relief I didn’t know I’d feel. I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to meet Trevor until this very second. Until he asked as if it were the most natural thing to do.

  “Of course,” I whisper into the crisp breeze. Bundling deeper into my jacket. Seeking comfort in this moment.

  Merrick steps close to me, wraps an arm around my shoulders, and brings me into the warmth of his side as we begin walking in the direction I pointed.

  My heart takes off in a sprint again. No longer nervous. Just…anxious.

  Because the man I suspect to be the love of my future is about to meet the love of my past.

  Our steps are measured and slow until we make it to his marble headstone. I stop and Merrick follows. He turns then to face the black stone. Taking in the name, dates of birth and death, and inscription.

  I sigh deeply, heavily, sadly. It never gets easier coming here. And I feel guilty because I haven’t been here much since I met Merrick. Not once since the breakin a few weeks ago.

  “You okay?” Merrick asks quietly. Rubbing a hand from my shoulder to my elbow before he settles it against my hip. Squeezing me to him.

  “Yeah,” I breathe out. “I just haven’t been by lately. And visiting never gets easier.”

  I shrug, eyes downcast.

  Stepping from my side, a warm finger tips my chin up before cool hands palm my cheeks. His eyes imploring me to listen. To hear him. “I never want you to feel like you have to choose between us, Sunshine. You want to visit him? You visit him. You want to talk about him? We talk about him. I want to know him, Keelynn. What he was like and how much he loved you. Don’t be afraid to open up and share your past and memories of the love you shared. You don’t choose.”

  My eyes quickly well with tears and I feel my lips tremble. “Where did you come from, Merrick Hughes?” My voice barely a whisper.

  He smirks his barely there smirk. “Thinking I’ve been waiting on you, baby.”

  I melt then. Right into his warm hands and his sweet words.

  I do that a lot around him, because of him, at the sight of him.

  Melt.

  Swoon.

  Fall.

  He steps back after a long look. A look that tells me he’d love nothing more than to kiss me right now. But respecting Trevor’s memory enough to hold back.

  He takes another piece of my heart then.

  Taking a deep breath and turning toward Trevor’s grave, Merrick looks down at what’s left of the boy I loved for so long. I stand there next to both of them. Taking in this moment.

  Living it.

  “I’d like to thank you.” His deep voice trails across the otherwise quiet cemetery. “For loving her right for as long as you had her. For making her happy. For putting her first. For knowing her worth.”

  Silent sobs shake my body as I watch on. So happy and thankful that I could burst.

  “I know you loved her as much as she loved you from the way she talks about you. Knew you were a good man worthy of her by the way her face lights up when you cross her mind.”

  He’s quiet for a minute.

  Thoughtful.

  Pensive.

  “I don’t take her lightly,” he vows. “I know she’s too good and so bright and full of everything sweet. With a dash of sass and a whole lot of sunshine. I know I don’t deserve her, but I want you to know that I know that and plan on making my way to being worthy of her.”

  Hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans, he shifts from foot to foot. Gathering his thoughts.

  “I’m sorry your time with her was cut too short. I’m damn sorry you won’t live out a life with her. But rest easy knowing I’ll take care of her, make her smile that blinding smile and laugh that perfect laugh. That I’ll be here encouraging her to visit, to talk about you, to remember you. You won’t be forgotten.”

  He turns to me then. Deep, dark eyes boring right into mine. “And I promise that for as long as she’ll have me around, that she’ll be protected and cherished. Just as you would have done. I’ll make sure o
f it.”

  And at that…

  I completely fall.

  HER LAUGHTER RINGS OUT IN the cab of my truck. Causing a smile to lift across my lips. The sound welcomed after the tears she shed earlier at the cemetery, after the sadness and loss she so freely felt. Today was important, pivotal. The magnitude of her wanting me to meet her grandparents, and then me wanting to meet Trevor, not lost on me.

  And I took it all to heart.

  While sharing mine on my sleeve. Talking to a man no longer with us, but promising him I’d take care of the woman he loved. And I meant it. I will take care of her. I will protect her. I will cherish her. Because despite how fucking terrified I am, these past few weeks, hell, the past couple of months we’ve fallen into a relationship I never thought I’d want.

  But I’m damn glad I’ve got.

  I look over at her after I pull into the parking spot at my apartment building. I could do nothing but stare at her for the rest of my life, she’s that gorgeous.

  Her beautiful face is flushed and her smile is radiant. Shining like the sun. Her deep green eyes are locked on my mouth, cataloguing the curve of my lips.

  “What are you looking at, Sunshine?”

  The deep timber of my voice has her looking up at me. “Locking the picture away in my mind.”

  Confusion settles over my face as I turn off the ignition. Still looking at her. Still feeling every ounce of everything good that she shines so bright.

  “Your smile, Merrick. They’re so rare, even now. That when I catch sight of one, I can’t help but stop and stare and trace it into my memory. Because each one is so perfect.”

  I shake my head slightly. Because this woman. Fuck, this woman. She’s changed my life in ways she’ll never understand.

  Not able to find words, I reach out and tag her behind the neck. Pulling her across the bench seat, over the console that separates us, so her elbows rest atop it. Her smile still in place, I taste the radiance as I drop my mouth to hers. Not taking it deeper, just feeling her warmth and love and sunshine and letting it seep into my soul.

  “You’re too fucking good to me, Sunshine,” I speak against her lips.

  “Not too good,” she replies the same way. Lips to lips. Heart to heart. “Just right.” Then her smile stretches before she dips her tongue into my mouth and robs the breath from my lungs.

  Pulling back slightly to catch a breath, she stares into my eyes as she utters, “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “Today. For coming with me. For wanting to visit Trevor. For all of those amazingly beautiful and sweet things you said…”

  She trails off. Almost hesitant.

  “I meant them, you know? I will take care of you. Will protect you. For as long as you can stand me.”

  “So…that means there’s an us then? Since you’ll be taking care of me and all?” Shy smile with a hint of sass.

  I smirk that smirk she loves so much. “Thought I made that clear already?” I ask right before her lips are back on mine.

  Right where they belong.

  After a few minutes of making out like teenagers, I reluctantly pull back and take a deep breath to calm down.

  “Let’s get this shit done so we can get back. Pick up where we left off.” I hit her with another smile.

  She sighs and traces the movement of my lips with a fingertip before agreeing. “You got it, tough guy.”

  Jumping down from the cab, I walk around the hood to open the passenger door. Helping Keelynn down, smacking her lush ass when she steps in front of me.

  She lets out a squealed laugh. Smile wider. Fuck, that smile. Never has anything owned me so completely.

  Then I see him. Tanner. Leaning against a black SUV. My heart stalls. Reality comes crashing down. Because him being here reminds me of what I’ve lost. What I’ve been keeping from Keelynn, what I can’t tell her, and why I’m never going to deserve what she’s been giving me.

  A second chance.

  I stop in my tracks, Keelynn stopping along with me.

  “Merrick?” she asks. Concern lacing her voice.

  Tanner’s eyes track over to her standing beside me. “I see what’s been keeping you busy.”

  I take a menacing step toward him. He’s my best friend. I know he’s a good man. I know he doesn’t mean it the way it sounds. But fuck him if he thinks I’ll let him speak that way to or around her. She’s fucking perfection. “Watch it, Tanner,” I practically growl.

  He tosses his hands up in surrender and steps away from the car. “Didn’t mean it like that, man. You know that.” He looks back to Keelynn. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I’m Tanner.” He extends his hand. She looks down at it, looking to me before looking him in the eye and taking his hand.

  “Keelynn.” There’s confusion on her face. Rightfully so. Since I’ve told her I have no family. Or friends.

  A smirk tilts on Tanner’s face. “Beautiful name for a beautiful lady.”

  Charming motherfucker.

  At my scowl he chuckles and drops her hand.

  “What are you doing here?” My tone gruff and to the point.

  “Thought I’d check in with an old friend.”

  At the word ‘friend’ Keelynn swings her gaze to me. Questions filtering through behind her eyes. Hurt surfacing, too. Because I’m a fucking dumbass thinking I could keep this—us—up and keep my past hidden from her.

  I look to Tanner then swing my gaze back to Keelynn to see she’s still looking at me.

  “Why don’t you hop back into the truck, baby? Let me finish talking with Tanner and then we’ll head out for dinner like we planned.” I try to offer her a smile to save to memory. But I can’t and she sees it.

  She’s unsure, but concedes with a “pleasure to meet you” to Tanner and spins to walk away. While completely ignoring me. I watch her as she goes.

  She’s barely a foot away when Tanner’s hissing, “What the fuck are you doing, man?”

  “Me?” I ask as I whip around. “What the fuck are you doing here? Are you trying to draw more attention to me? Blow my fucking cover?”

  “Cover? What fucking cover? Merrick, you’re here, out in the fucking open,” he spits out harshly. “No alias. No front. Except the lies you tell yourself.”

  I take a step toward him. Warning clear. But he doesn’t move. Unfazed by my anger. “I’m here for a fucking reason. With you here it could jeopardize it all.” I’m clenching my jaw so tight it actually aches. Obviously he doesn’t know about the breakin, about them already knowing I’m here. Waiting to strike. But goddamn it he has to know him showing up here wouldn’t be a good idea.

  “Oh, and you traipsing around with this chick won’t do that?” He tosses a hand in the direction of my truck carelessly. As if she’s inconsequential.

  “Watch what you fucking say about her, Tanner. She isn’t any of your fucking business.”

  He lifts his hands in surrender between us. “Just saying, if you were so worried you’d be keeping your head down and not getting involved.”

  I know he’s right. That’s what has my anger ratcheting up to a whole new level. Because he’s pointing out what I already know. But what I’m too chickenshit to actually do.

  Let her go.

  I run a hand along the back of my tense neck. Huffing a deep breath. “What are you doing here, Tanner? Really?”

  “I’m working a case in Boston. Tracked our last call to this small town and found it wasn’t far. Thought I’d check in.” He’s silent a second, assessing me. Debating on whether he should say what he’s thinking next. Clearly, he makes up his mind when he speaks again. “Seems as though you’re doing just fine though.”

  “I fucking told you, watch it.” My voice nothing but a feral growl. He may be my best friend but I won’t hesitate to throw his ass to the ground if he even thinks of disrespecting Keelynn.

  “Yeah, man. I get it.” His voice thoughtful before a smile breaks through. “You’re not going to want to hear this, b
ut I’m saying it anyway.” He pauses for effect. “I’m damn glad you took my advice. Moved on. She looks good on you, brother. You look…happy.”

  He hesitated before finishing. But damn it if he isn’t right. She does make me happy.

  “Didn’t plan it. Just happened. Couldn’t fucking stop it.” I shake my head curtly.

  “Never do and never can, brother. Never can.”

  He’s right. Couldn’t with Stacy and now—

  “Fuck,” I mutter heatedly.

  “What?”

  “You’ve landed me in a bunch of shit, Tanner. You have no fucking idea.” I run an angry hand through my hair.

  “What do you me—wait! You haven’t told her?” he whispers heatedly. Stepping closer to me. “She doesn’t know about Stacy and Lila?”

  My eyes slam shut at the mention of their names for a brief moment before my eyes flash open. “She doesn’t even know about you, Tanner,” I grit between clenched teeth. “So no. She doesn’t fucking know about them. I don’t talk about them.”

  “What the hell, Merrick? You’ve been what? Seeing her for…”

  He pauses, waiting for me to fill in the blanks. I do. “A couple months.”

  “Jesus…a couple months and she never asked? She was never curious about your past?”

  “She asked—”

  “Right, of course. And you just blew it off. Didn’t think mentioning your deceased wife and daughter would be important. Damn, man.”

  “Yeah.” I sigh. Not even calling him out on what he just said.

  “You know, I didn’t think showing up would—”

  I cut him off. “I know, doesn’t change anything though.”

  I blow out a breath and look back at my truck to see Keelynn staring right at us. Sad look on her beautiful face.

  A heavy weight settles on my chest. Something a lot like fear running through my veins. I can’t help but feel like I’m about to lose her.

  “I’m sorry, man.” His tone serious. True.

  “Me, too.”

  Because I know everything is about to change.

  THE RIDE BACK TO MY house is quiet, suffocating. Filled with questions and lies and pasts.

  He told me he didn’t have any family. No friends. It was just him ever since his father passed away. I believed him because I had no reason not to.