Everything I Need Read online

  Confusion dips my brow. Wondering what the hell she could be fishing for. “Been good.”

  “Mhmm, I bet you have.” She smirks now as Lena twirls at her side, her skirt fanning out over her leggings.

  Never being a man of many words, I don’t say anything else. Just looking at her while she looks at me. Still smirking that knowing smirk while I try to figure out what the hell she knows.

  “You’ve been seeing an awful lot of my sister lately, haven’t you?” she finally asks. Lena oblivious next to her as she keeps twirling and dancing about next to her mama.

  I rub the hand not holding the basket behind my neck. Working the tension her question and insinuation creates. “Guess I have,” I answer her.

  “Care to tell me what you’re doing with my sister?” She raises a brow. Hip cocked. Waiting.

  Here, in the middle of the bread aisle of the grocery store, she asks that as plain as day. Like we aren’t having this very personal conversation in a very public place.

  I look around for a second before looking her dead in the eye. Being as honest as I can. “I don’t know.”

  Because I don’t.

  We just…are.

  “You don’t know?” she asks, her tone incredulous. “You sound just like my damn sister.”

  My body tenses at that. What’s that supposed to mean?

  She must see the question on my face, because right after she wrangles Lena in back to her side, handing over her cell phone to keep her occupied for a moment, Campbell clarifies. “I saw her this afternoon. Not too long ago actually. I asked her what was going on with you two and her answer was the same. That she didn’t know.”

  Seems like we’re on the same page then.

  “I can tell you though, that she lights right up whenever you’re mentioned. And when you’re around her?”

  I lean forward an inch, anticipating her response. Acting like a fucking chick because I’m dying to know what others see when I’m around her.

  Because it’s Keelynn.

  “It’s like she’s the sun she shines so bright. That pretty smile of hers can’t be contained.”

  My heart expands and my pride beams. Knowing I do that for her. To her.

  Stepping up to me, Campbell places her hand to my forearm before looking up into my eyes. Her green orbs holding none of the teasing from just moments ago. “She’s been through enough. From our parents abandoning us. To our Gramps and Gramma passing on. And finally with Trevor dying so tragically.” She steps back, removing her hand. “Her heart’s been hurt enough over her lifetime. Just do all you can to make sure you’re not added to that list of heartbreak.”

  I swallow hard and give one curt nod of my head. Acknowledging, agreeing, and fucking knowing I can’t keep that promise.

  THINGS HAVE CALMED DOWN IN the few weeks since the “incident” as I’ve taken to calling it. Merrick still gets all defensive and protective and grumpy whenever it’s mentioned. Pissed at the local police force for not having any leads or information. Saying they should know how to do their jobs to keep them.

  I just ignore his ranting and go about my life like I did before. Not letting what happened slow me down.

  Or scare me.

  I’ll admit it jarred me for a few days, had me shaken up. But then I realized that whomever did this would win if I kept on that way.

  So instead of being scared, I’ve gotten right back into my routines again. With the addition of having Merrick around.

  Just like those first few days after the incident, he hasn’t left since.

  He hasn’t moved in. He’s still living out of his duffle bag. But he’s here. Every day and night. Even when I’m not, he is.

  It’s been nice. More than nice. It’s been…amazing. Cooking dinners together. Waking up to his handsome face. Falling asleep sated and worshiped and wrapped up in his arms.

  It’s been bliss.

  Now it’s Halloween and trick-or-treaters should be arriving any minute. My house is decorated with a few pumpkins LeeLee helped me carve last week, and I’m stocked up with candy.

  I can’t wait to see LeeLee. Mason always brings her by first—Campbell at home handing out candy to her neighborhood—so I can see her all dressed up.

  Two guesses as to whom she’s going as this year and the first doesn’t count.

  Her Frozen obsession is really something else.

  “Need any help with anything?” Merrick asks as I fiddle about with the candy bowl.

  “Nope, I’m all set,” I say over my shoulder to look at him. “I can’t wait to see LeeLee though.” I beam as I turn around, facing him.

  I’m always hesitant to bring up LeeLee around Merrick because of how he reacted the first time he met her. And every time after that, whether he’s around her or she’s mentioned, he gets agitated almost. Like she makes him uncomfortable. He gets lost in his head, in thoughts running wild, and his face takes on a sadness that hurts my heart.

  And I can’t figure out why.

  He says it’s because she reminds him of someone he used to know.

  Someone.

  He didn’t clarify, never has, and I haven’t asked again. I’ve learned with Merrick that prying or asking too many questions doesn’t get you anywhere or anything but silence and an even grumpier attitude. So I’m left to wonder whom this someone could have been. Or could be.

  A sister maybe? A friend?

  I don’t know who it is, but I do know the memories of them cause him such pain at times that he can’t keep it hidden.

  “You love her a lot.” His deep voice breaks me from thought and has me lifting my head to look at him.

  It’s a statement that doesn’t require a response. But I answer anyway. “More than life itself.” A warm smile covers my face as memories of Lena’s childhood flash through my mind. From infant to toddler to now and everything in between.

  “I can tell.” His gruff voice softens a touch along with his face.

  “She’s the most beautifully amazing little girl that’s ever lived.” I beam.

  He flinches slightly. Just barely a tic of his jaw. I don’t think anyone else would notice it, but it’s there, and I see it.

  I feel my mouth dip into a frown, but I don’t comment on his sudden sadness. I just keep the conversation going, trying to change the subject.

  “I always wanted a little army of kids.”

  If I thought he was uneasy before, it is nothing compared to the look that crosses his face at my last words.

  My stomach drops and my heart beats double-time. “Did I say something wrong?” I mean I know I mentioned kids, but it isn’t like I said right now or with him.

  Even though I think that’s exactly what I mean.

  A pair of green-eyed, black-haired babies flash through my mind before I shake the thoughts away. What a dream.

  “No,” he croaks out before clearing his throat and wetting his lips. “You want a lot of kids?”

  “As many as God will bless me with. Doesn’t matter how many of each, just that they’re healthy and happy with ten little fingers and toes.”

  I stop for a minute, hesitating on whether I should continue, before deciding to go on. “It was always a dream I had before…”

  “With Trevor,” he finishes for me.

  I nod. “Yes, with Trevor. We always talked about having kids. And then he was gone, and I never knew if it would happen for me…” I trail off. Desperately wanting to add that now I really think it could.

  But I don’t.

  He nods absentmindedly. Like he’s lost in thought.

  “Is that…is that something you want? Kids?” I ask. Seeing if it could be a possibility.

  Because the more I think of it, the more I want it to be.

  I may be unsure of where we stand, but I’d have to be a fool not to realize that what we have is real.

  Silence surrounds us for a good minute before he finally answers. Voice tight. “I’ve always wanted kids.”

  Hope bursts
through me at that.

  Most may find that hard to believe.

  But not me. Because I know the man underneath all the brooding and hard.

  He’d be an amazing father.

  He clears his throat. “From what I’ve seen of you with Lena, you’ll make an amazing mother one day, Sunshine.”

  His voice is still gruffer than earlier, but his words bring the smile back to my face.

  “Thank you, Merrick,” I whisper in reply. “That means more than you know.”

  The doorbell rings, interrupting our talk. But I can’t help but smile wide and squeal in excitement because the first trick-or-treaters have arrived.

  I clap and bounce to the door. Merrick’s chuckle following me.

  Opening the door wide, I’m greeted with yells of “trick or treat” from a zombie and a ninja.

  “Whoa, cool costumes!” I reply as I hand out a handful of candy each.

  “Thanks!” they exclaim in unison before running off to the next house. Their parents following close behind with a wave of thanks.

  Waving in kind through a laugh, I just get the door closed and turn around when I’m met with a hard chest. “Oh,” I gasp.

  Strong arms wrap around me, pulling me close. Then he leans in. Kissing me good. “So damn sweet.”

  Interrupted yet again by the doorbell. Merrick grunts his disapproval, and I just giggle before opening the door. “Trick or treat!”

  Standing tall and prettier than ever is none other than Princess LeeLee. Tiara, wand, and all.

  “Oh my! Merrick, look! A real life princess. It’s Princess Anna!” I say over my shoulder. Him right at my back. Before looking right back to Lena.

  Giggles burst through her beaming face. “Nooooo. It’s me, Auntie KeeKee. It’s LeeLee!”

  “Well, I’ll be. It is my LeeLee! You had me fooled, baby girl.”

  “That’s because Momma did my makeup all pretty like.”

  “That she did, LeeLee. That she did,” I say through a smile.

  “Yeah, and Daddy isn’t happy about it,” she replies through a giggle.

  Looking behind her I see Mason toss out a wink before stalking up next to his daughter and feigning anger. “No, I’m not! My baby girl shouldn’t be wearing that stuff. She’s too young.”

  I burst out laughing. Not because of what Mason says but because he’s wearing an adult-sized Olaf costume.

  Picture a six foot one inch tall man. With blond hair and blue eyes and a tan, lean build. A real life Ken doll practically. Dressed as the goofy snowman.

  I dare anyone not to laugh at that visual.

  “My gosh, Mase,” I say through my laughter. “You look great.”

  I try to smash my lips between my teeth. But it’s no use, a giggle escapes.

  I hear Merrick let out a deep chuckle behind me and the sound travels through my body straight to my heart. I can picture his perfectly full lips stretching into that smirk of his.

  My tummy flutters at the thought.

  “Laugh it up, sister,” Mason replies, teasingly. “But you know I look great.”

  “You’re a brave man for wearing that out in public,” Merrick surprises us all by saying.

  Mason chuckles. “It’s for my daughter, man. Gotta do it.”

  I catch sight of Merrick’s nod and the brief flash of understanding covering his face.

  I wonder what that’s about.

  As soon LeeLee speaks, I forget the thought as soon as it comes. “Hi, Mr. Merrick.” Her sweet little voice made even cuter with the littler princess wave she gives him.

  Hand cupped by her head, twisting side to side.

  “Your momma taught you that, didn’t she?” I ask her. Shaking my head.

  Only Campbell.

  “Yep!” she replies happily, popping the P.

  “Hey there, LeeLee.”

  She beams up at Merrick right before he tosses in the biggest handful of trick or treats ever.

  Lena squeals. “Oh boy! Look at that, Daddy!”

  “Great, thanks, man.” He laughs. “Campbell’s gonna love this.”

  More than half of LeeLee’s princess pail is full. It was empty when she got here.

  Yeah, my sister is going to flip.

  Oh well. I just giggle along with LeeLee while Mason mutters and Merrick shrugs.

  “We better go so we can see how many houses we make,” Mason coaxes his daughter.

  I hate to see my little niece leave, but I know how excited she was about Halloween.

  “You’ll have to tell me all about how much candy you get tomorrow, okay?” I ask her.

  “Okay,” she answers excitedly. “Bye, Auntie LeeLee. Love you!” Her quick hug melts my heart like always.

  “Bye, Mr. Merrick. Thanks for all the candy,” she says through a giggle.

  He waves and smirks again while Mason says his good-byes and follows behind his excited little girl as she climbs into the car herself. Ready to get back to their neighborhood to get down to trick-or-treating.

  “She’s cute,” Merrick murmurs as I shut the door behind us. Waiting on the next round of kids.

  “She is.” I smile.

  As the evening turns to night, so many kids stop by that we run out of candy. At that point Merrick raids my pantry, trying to find anything that will work.

  So for the rest of the night we pass out granola bars, snack packs, and sleeves of Ritz crackers.

  The last kid got a bag of mini chocolate chips. Much to his mother’s dismay.

  I just giggled as Merrick smirked and shrugged.

  It was comical really.

  After that, it was late enough that I didn’t feel bad for turning off the porch light and locking the door. Especially when I had Merrick there with me.

  The man my undoing.

  Cuddling up on the couch, we’re watching the original Halloween, enjoying the quiet and just being together.

  I hate scary movies, no matter how old they are. But he talked me into it with the promise of his arms around me, keeping me safe.

  How could I say no?

  “You really want a lot of kids?” His deep voice breaks the silence. The random question surprising me. A bit random since our conversation on this topic ended hours ago.

  “I do,” I say through a smile. “At least two.”

  “That’s not an army.” He laughs. And boy do I love it when he does.

  I trace his lips with my finger, my eyes on the curve of his smile.

  Memorizing.

  He kisses the pad of my fingertip.

  I melt.

  “Well I know that, but two is a good start.” I nod.

  He just looks at me. One large hand to my now bare thigh due to my sleep shorts. The other reaching the back of my head, sifting through my hair.

  “Two would be a good start.”

  And then I melt some more.

  We’ve been nothing but a whirlwind of emotion for the last month. Moving at warp speed. Practically living together. Spending all of our time together.

  Me falling in love with him.

  And from day one he’s stirred a swarm of butterflies in my tummy and a warmth in my heart I’ve never felt.

  The last few weeks I’ve felt closer to him than I thought possible for such a short amount of time.

  But tonight, after our discussion earlier today and how he’s looking at me right now, I can’t help but feel like our connection just got a little deeper.

  Our relationship taken to a whole new level.

  THE MANICURED LAWN GOES ON for acres. The dusting of snow from the night before causing it to shimmer and glitter in the mid-November sun. Granite and marble headstones stand at different heights throughout the cemetery, casting shadows along the ground.

  “You sure you want to do this?” I ask Keelynn next to me. “If it’s too hard we can come back another time, baby.”

  Since Halloween the other week, something’s shifted with us. It’s more than all of the time we’ve been spending together. Or
all the times I get lost inside of her.

  It’s as if our talk about kids resulted in us taking our relationship even more seriously than before. And before I was fucking certain.

  I thought the idea of having kids would scare me. And it did at first. Brought me back to losing that precious love and the fear that possibility holds. But more than that, after the initial shock, I could picture little Keelynns running around. And as the night wore on, and seeing her with each kid that stopped by, that vision became clearer and clearer until I knew I was totally fucked. That’s why I brought up the topic again. Because even though I shouldn’t, I can’t help it, and there’s no turning back where she’s concerned. Been that way for weeks now. Damn near since day one I’d have to say.

  And as much as I thought Keelynn was serious, too. I know it for certain now as we sit here at the cemetery where her grandparents are buried because she wanted to introduce me.

  “No.” She shakes her head and bundles her jacket closer across her chest. “It’s okay.” She smiles weakly. “It’s just always hard coming by here. Especially around the holidays.”

  I nod my head in understanding. And even though I really should get it, I don’t. Because in the three years since they’ve been gone, I haven’t been by to visit Stacy and Lila once since they were laid to rest. Been too busy chasing down the fuckers who put them in the ground to stop and mourn them at their graves.

  Breathing a deep breath, Keelynn reaches for the handle of her door and as she gets out, so do I. Rounding the hood, I meet her on the passenger side and immediately grab her hand. Wanting to offer my touch. Hoping to comfort her.

  She looks around for a second, taking in where we’re parked, before starting off to her right. I follow at her side, hands still firmly clasped, as we walk in silence. The crunch of the fresh coating of snow the only sound around us.

  I feel nervous. Fucking odd, I know. But it doesn’t matter that I’m not meeting physical people. I’m still meeting the people that raised my girl. The people that loved her when her parents wouldn’t.

  Even though I’m meeting headstones instead of faces, I know this moment is huge for her.

  And for me.

  After a couple of minutes, and dozens of graves later, she stops in front of matching granite headstones. Names, dates, and prayers inscribed on them.