Everything I Need Page 15

  Green eyes brighten over our banter. A smile tugs at her lips, dying to let loose. But she curls her lips in, keeping it on lockdown.

  She hums as she pours two mugs full of the dark brew. Spinning around, she hands me a cup before slowly sipping the steaming coffee between plump lips. She lets a moan loose.

  And now I’m hard and damn jealous of a coffee mug. Who would have thought?

  “There,” she sighs. “That’s better.” And then the smile I’ve been waiting to see is full and bright across her face.

  “There’s my Sunshine,” I say over the rim of my mug. Smirking behind the ceramic.

  She just smiles some more and continues humming and sipping her coffee. Eyes staying on me.

  Silence descends around us after a few minutes as we sip our coffees. Keelynn no longer humming. Last night starting to cloud the space around us.

  Not able to help myself, I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her close after she sets her mug down on the counter next to us.

  “We okay?” I ask. Voice gruff against the top of her head.

  She tips her face back, eyebrows bunched. “Of course we are.” Confusion settles along her face. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

  A deep breath escapes me before I answer. “Well…you learned a lot of shit last night, along with going to the cemetery earlier in the day. Wasn’t easy. Wanna make sure we’re still good and that you know I never meant to hurt you.”

  Because I didn’t. I knew keeping shit from her was the wrong move, but I still never wanted to hurt her because of it. Still don’t.

  “Merrick,” she says as she places a soft hand to my stubbled cheek. “Last night came out of left field. Surprised me. Knowing you had this bold and beautiful life before me. I won’t deny that. But…I always knew there had to be more than what you let on because there was always too much playing behind those dark eyes of yours. That pain and hurt doesn’t come from a life of nothing, honey. It comes from a life filled with so much that when you lose it, you lose yourself, too.”

  I clench my jaw then, to keep my emotions at bay. Because fuck does this woman know how to ruin me with one look, one touch, one simple statement from her lips.

  Nodding, I can’t say anything without falling apart. Because she’s right. And I’m damn thankful that yet again…she gets it.

  “I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know for the losses you suffered. Not only of those precious, beautiful loves of your life. But for that life you loved so much, too. It isn’t fair, isn’t right, and I could never condemn you for doing what you felt was right with that pain and anger. Keeping it all from me hurt. But I never pressed because I think part of me was too afraid to hear of a life before me. Despite you already knowing of mine before you.”

  She swallows hard then. Eyes on my face. Taking me in.

  “So yeah, Merrick, we’re okay. More than. Because now we have each other and this second chance we never saw coming.”

  I kiss her then. Crush my mouth to hers and take all she’s giving me. Everything she said and all she’s left unspoken.

  Pulling back on a harsh groan, her heated breaths hit my wet lips as I press my forehead down to hers. Catching my breath and breathing her in. My eyes open and my arms lock around her waist, causing her to rise up on her toes to reach me.

  “Don’t know what I did to ever deserve you. Still don’t think I do. But I’m thankful as fuck that you want me anyway.”

  “You’re a good man, Merrick. Better than you give yourself credit for. One of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

  A sad look flashes through her eyes then. No doubt because her grandfather and Trevor are crossing her mind. Reminding her yet again of her losses.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever properly told you how damn sorry I am that you lost Trevor the way you did. So soon,” I quietly speak as I pull her closer to my chest and take my forehead from hers to look down at her face. “But I gotta say, I’m feeling even sorrier for him because when you lost him, he lost you. And I’ve no doubt he’s looking down on you, wishing he were still here to soak up all your sunshine and goodness. Because that’s what you are, baby, so damn good. And sweet.”

  She melts and falls to the flats of her feet. Small hands gripping my biceps like a lifeline.

  “He felt that loss just as deeply as you did, baby. I know it. As a man on the receiving end of all your smiles and warmth. I know it.”

  Tears track down her pretty face now. “Gosh, Merrick.” Her small arms wind around my waist and hold on tight as she tucks her face into my chest and her shoulders shake.

  I rub her back, trying to soothe her as best I can. “Didn’t mean to upset you, Sunshine.”

  “Oh, you didn’t.” Her words muffled. Lifting her head, I’m met with deep green eyes wet with tears. “That was just so beautiful and sweet, and I’ve never thought about it that way before.”

  She sniffles and wipes her cheeks. I lift my hands to help dry her tears. Hating the sadness despite the small smile on her face.

  “Thank you, Merrick. I never thought I could feel this way again. Feel this deeply…ever.” She stresses the word, making sure I understand what she’s saying. And I do, because it’s the same way for me. “But you…you proved me wrong. You’ve given all the pain and loss I’ve ever felt a purpose. Just…thank you.”

  Before I can utter a word, her full, pink lips are back on mine. Conveying all the feelings we both feel, yet don’t mention.

  But I know. And I hope to fuck she does, too.

  Because goddamn, have I fallen.

  “LET’S GO, SUNSHINE. WE’RE GONNA be late,” Merrick hollers down the hallway so I can hear him in our bedroom where I’m getting ready.

  Yeah…ours. Because that’s what everything’s become lately. He hasn’t been back to his apartment except to pick up the odd thing here and there. And he hasn’t slept there since the day of the breakin weeks ago.

  It’s us now. We’re an us and it feels so dang good being a part of something again. The only thing missing is the three little words I swear I’ve felt from day one, but thought I was too dang crazy to actually feel.

  I plan on telling him tonight though. Because I can’t hold off anymore. Not with everything we’ve gone through already. Not with everything we’ve already said and admitted to one another.

  Since I brought him to meet Grampy and Gramma, and then he surprised me by wanting to meet Trevor, a couple of weeks ago, I’ve known without a shadow of a doubt that this is the man I’m going to love forever. That he needs to know how I feel. And tonight, after family bowling night with my sister and her little family, he’ll finally know.

  “Coming!” I yell back as I swipe the last bit of mascara on my lashes. Taking a step back, I assess my makeup. The light blush, mascara, and shiny lip-gloss simple, yet adding just enough to brighten my features.

  But what I notice more than anything is the twinkle in my eyes and the unstoppable smile taking over my glossed lips. That has nothing to do with the small amount of makeup I applied.

  That’s all Merrick. How he makes me feel.

  And because we’re an us.

  She’s standing by the chairs near her sister. Smile wide. Eyes bright. Skin flushed. And then her head kicks back and her laughter floats across the bowling alley.

  Punching me in the chest.

  Stealing my breath and my heart and burrowing deep into my soul.

  Claiming.

  Owning.

  Kicking my ass on the spot where I’m standing with Mason. Not listening to a damn thing he’s saying. Because how could I when she’s in the same room as me. Fuck, the same vicinity. Shining brighter than the fucking sun.

  She looks gorgeous tonight—same as every night—but tonight there’s something…brighter about her. And that’s saying something since she’s pure fucking sunshine on any given day. I can’t pinpoint what it is, but there’s something about her tonight that’s different.

  Happier.

&nbs
p; Lighter.

  I noticed it as soon as she walked out of the bedroom before we left. She knocked the fucking breath from my lungs, looking like a damn vision. Tight jeans paired with a fitted black sweater. Beautiful face made up; making her green eyes pop and her full lips look damn delectable. But it was more than that. She had an extra sway in her hips, her smile was even brighter. And her eyes, they held a happiness that seemed bone deep.

  Whatever it is, I fucking love it and hope to Christ I have something to do with it.

  “You’ve got it bad, man.” Mason’s voice has me breaking from my thoughts. But my eyes stay locked on Keelynn where she stands.

  I shrug. Acting nonchalant when I’m anything but.

  He laughs then. “So fucking bad,” he mutters before taking a swig from his beer bottle.

  “Can’t help it,” I admit. Not wanting to say much more.

  “Can’t say I blame you. Feel the same way about her sister. Have since we were kids who didn’t know any better. Getting married less than a year after meeting in college, before we even graduated.” He shakes his head and chuckles. “She’s had me wound tight ever since. Best damn decision I’ve ever made loving her and making her mine. Then creating that perfect little life in our daughter.”

  I nod, getting lost in thought again. I get what he’s saying. Had that once already. The whirlwind romance. The perfect little life.

  Damn near have it again, too. The loving part anyway. Can even start to think I may be worthy enough to create something from that love again.

  I meant it when I told Keelynn I was damn lucky to have that chance twice. Because I am. Damn lucky.

  She must sense my gaze on her because while Campbell continues to talk, she turns her head right toward me. Eyes like lasers on me. Green and vibrant and full of happiness and what looks to be a whole hell of a lot like love.

  A smile blossoms across her lips then. Her beauty is fucking staggering.

  That smile has one of my own crossing my face, and I see her eyes drop to my lips. Memorizing and cataloguing.

  Committing it to memory.

  A heavy hand lands on my shoulder, breaking our gaze when I look over to Mason. “Just don’t hurt her, man. She’s a good girl with a heart of damn gold. Been through too much hurt already. She deserves the happy she seems to have found with you.”

  “Never crossed my mind.” And it hasn’t. Despite my past fuck ups and what I still keep hidden, I never want to hurt her. I’d rather gut myself alive. “I’ll do my best to keep her smiling.”

  “That’s all we can ask for.”

  I nod and shake his offered hand.

  When all of a sudden glass explodes and shatters.

  Screams erupt.

  People scatter.

  Cries of confusion and terror filter through the chaos.

  I whip around to see the front window busted. Glass littering the ground and sidewalk outside. Looking like a fucking bomb went off. Ten feet from the window ledge sits a cinder block.

  “Lena!” Mason shouts before the pounding of his feet fade behind me.

  A high-pitched terrified cry rips through the pounding in my ears. “Momma! Auntie KeeKee!”

  Spinning fast, I see Lena in Mason’s arms as he stands over Campbell huddled over a prone figure. Keelynn. She’s lying on her side. Knees bent. Arms over her head.

  Flashbacks tint my vision into a hazy blur.

  Lila’s screams.

  Stacy’s ashen face.

  The bullets.

  The pain.

  The loss.

  Snapping out of it, I take off like a shot and drop to my knees as I get to Keelynn. Not paying any attention to the glass ripping through my jeans into my skin.

  The pain nothing like the fear rippling through me.

  Campbell stands. Tears staining her face. Sobs racking her body as she reaches for Mason and Lena. The family embracing threatening another flashback. But I shake my head to clear the vision.

  I need to focus.

  “Sunshine.” I run a hand over her hair visible through her hands. Carefully touching her in case of injury. “What’s wrong, baby? What happened?”

  She’s quiet.

  My fear spikes.

  “Keelynn, talk to me!” My voice tinged with frantic worry.

  She groans lightly and turns her head back to look at me. “I’m fine, Merrick. Just hit my head on the seat when I ducked. I told you I’m a klutz.” She offers a small smile, the sun breaking through the clouds, as chaos still swirls around us.

  Running a finger delicately over her forehead to move her hair from her face, I see a bump and small cut near her hairline. But a small amount of relief hits me hard as I see that smile split her lips.

  Leaning back slightly, I gently roll her to her back and see glass embedded in her arm. “Fuck.”

  “What?” she asks. Confused.

  “Nothing, Sunshine. Just a little cut from the glass.” I try to stay calm.

  “Hey,” she whispers. Eyes right on mine as she lifts a shaky hand to my cheek. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

  I breathe deep. Keeping it in. Holding it down.

  “Merrick.” Her sweet voice hitting my ears. I open my eyes I didn’t realize I closed. “I’m okay,” she implores. “It isn’t like then.”

  I could break down and cry like a fucking baby right here. Because this gorgeous fucking woman gets it. Gets me. Understands that this moment is bringing me back to my past.

  I nod, unable to speak.

  She tries to move, but I gently press her down. “Whoa, Sunshine. Easy there, baby. You aren’t moving until the paramedics get here. I need you to stay still for me.”

  “I meant it, Merrick. I’m fine.”

  “I’ll believe that when you’re checked out.” My words harsher than I intended.

  “Let me at least sit up so I can see LeeLee. We’re scaring her.”

  Fuck, she’s right.

  “Okay,” I answer reluctantly. Slowly raising her to sit up and lean against the row of seats she knocked her head into.

  A jacket is thrust into my face and I look up to see Mason handing me mine that was thrown over the seats with the rest of them. His other arm wrapped tight around his family.

  “Thanks, man,” I reply then fold up the coat and place it behind Keelynn’s head to rest against the seats behind her.

  “Hey, my LeeLee,” she immediately calls. She and Campbell snapping their heads down to see Keelynn sitting up and quickly dropping down next to her.

  All three of them cry and hug. Lena and Campbell careful of Keelynn’s cuts and bumps and bruises.

  Sirens sound in the distance. Crawling closer until officers run inside.

  They begin checking things over. The window, the evidence.

  Walking from person to groupings of people to check on them and assess who needs medical assistance.

  Two EMTs walk over to us with a medical kit when the officers see Keelynn and how close to the window the girls were.

  As they look them all over, my mind starts to race.

  I’ve no fucking doubt Corsetti’s men are responsible for this.

  These motherfuckers are getting too damn close and going too damn far. Putting Keelynn, and now her family, in danger. I know it’s them trying to draw me out. Making a statement that they know I’m here—just like the breakin at Keelynn’s house. But attacking the establishment we’re at, harming her, and scaring Lena to tears, yeah…they’ve gone too fucking far.

  I was stupid to think that after these last couple of months of nothing they’d be gone. Damn fucking stupid to let my guard down. But I never thought they’d attack a public place like this.

  Should have known better.

  AFTER THREE HOURS AT THE emergency room having Keelynn checked out for a concussion, and Campbell and Lena checked as a precaution at Mason’s insistence, we’re finally walking through the door.

  Well, I’m walking.

  Keelynn’s in my arms, head resting aga
inst my shoulder. She tried to fight me, saying she was fine, but I needed her close. In my arms where she belongs.

  “You can put me down now, ya know? We’re inside,” she huffs.

  I grunt at her and keep walking. “Not until I get you settled in bed, Sunshine. You heard the doc. Rest and minimal activity for a couple days because of that nasty bump you got.”

  “He also said I was fine. No concussion,” she sasses.

  “Yeah, well, I’m taking no chances with you.”

  She huffs again but keeps quiet while I walk down the hall to her room. Snuggling in closer into my hold.

  “Rest, Sunshine,” I say as I settle her sweet ass on her bedspread. “My orders,” I stress. Letting her know I don’t give a fuck that the doctor said she didn’t have a concussion. That she’s going to rest anyway. Whether she likes it or not.

  Reluctantly she nods, looking up at me as she does. Her pretty, deep green eyes tired from what happened tonight.

  While a concealed rage still pumps furiously through my veins.

  “You okay?” she asks me while I gently start stripping her of her tattered and slightly bloodied clothes.

  Goddamn this woman. She was attacked tonight—unbeknownst to her—and she’s worried about me. Asking about how I am when she’s the one cut up and practically has a concussion.

  I shake my head, my anger rising at seeing her clothes and because I don’t deserve her worry.

  I think she’d agree if she knew what I was keeping from her.

  “Let’s just worry about you, baby. Get you showered and cleaned up so you can rest in bed.”

  Halting my hands that are now wrapped up in the waist of her jeans, I look up to see her eyes right on my face. The green depths squinted in worry and tinged in anger. “I’m worried about you.”

  Fuck. “I’m fine, Sunshine. Okay? Just worried about you. So please let me get you—”

  “No,” she states firmly, shoving my hands off of her, and surging to her feet.

  I reach out to her when she sways slightly, but her hands between us stop me.

  “Sunshine, come on. At least sit.”

  “No, Merrick. I’m fine. Yes, my head hurts. Yes, my side hurts. But I’m okay.”