Everything I Need Read online

  Three seats down an older gentleman looks over at me, grabbing my attention from Keelynn’s round ass. “She’s right.” His graveled voice stretches across the distance between us. It sounds as if he’s smoked a pack a day for a hundred years. “The French toast is delish.”

  “We’ve really gotta stop meeting like this.” The familiar, cheerful voice has me swinging my head to the left, forgetting all about the cereal selection in front of me.

  You’ve got to be kidding me.

  It’s late August and I’ve been in town for about three weeks. The height of the summer heat is coming to a close soon, but the humidity is still thick in the air. So I can’t help but notice Keelynn standing in the middle of the cereal aisle wearing a pair of jean shorts that reveal her shapely legs and a loose tank top that gives a generous look at her ample cleavage. The dark shade of purple highlights the green in her eyes, causing them to shine brighter than her smile, if that’s even possible.

  My heart starts to ache when I realize I’m comparing her to Stacy. How she’s much shorter than Stacy’s five foot seven and much curvier than her sleek and slim curves were. Causing my mood to take a sudden nosedive.

  I grunt a “Hey” then turn my head to look back at the cereals in front of me. Trying to control my rising anger and sadness. Along with my growing arousal.

  What the fuck?

  “Breakfast of champions,” she exclaims as she pushes her cart closer, nudging the basket I have in my hand. “Oops, sorry.” She smiles. I can see it from the corner of my eye as I scan the selection in front of me, all while trying not to see it.

  Shifting the basket from my left hand to my right, I reach forward and grab a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. Lila used to love these.

  “Looks like we have more in common than we thought, tough guy.” A small, tan arm reaches out for a box of the same cereal, grazing my bicep in the process. The light touch causing that funny shit to happen to my chest again. Making my already shit mood turn shittier. Because I have no idea how, in such a short amount of time and with such little conversation, this petite, gorgeous woman has infiltrated my thoughts so quickly. She has me feeling shit I haven’t felt in years. And if I’m being honest, have never felt before. Which makes it all the worse.

  I turn my head to look at her—not taking in how good she looks or how radiant her smile is—then turn the other way down the aisle. Ignoring her the best I can. It may be an asshole move, but I’m so fucking confused I couldn’t speak even if I wanted to. And I don’t. So I keep walking while my heart pounds a steady beat and my mind runs in circles trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

  I’m here for a reason. A reason that doesn’t include a beautiful brunette with a killer body, bright green eyes, and a smile that could bring any grown man to his knees.

  “It was good seeing you,” she shouts down the aisle. I can hear the smile in her voice at my back. “But next time, try not to talk so much.” Her giggle immediately follows.

  Smart-ass.

  The smile stays on my face as I watch him walk down the aisle and take the corner. But I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness. Because whenever I’ve run into Merrick, which has been a couple of times since that first day a few weeks ago, I can see the hardness in his eyes. The mix of anger and anguish. I can feel the chill of the steel wall he has erected around him. Keeping him hidden. Trying to keep him safe. But from what? And why?

  All I know is that he’s new in town. He hasn’t spoken more than a dozen sentences in total to me with each run in. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to talk, reply, react.

  And he hasn’t cracked a smile once. I’m making it my mission to get him to do just that. Even if that’s all I can get out of him, I’ll take it. Knowing that if he does, it will most likely be the most rare and most beautiful sight I will have ever seen.

  Shaking my head, I push my cart down the remainder of the aisle, following where Merrick left. When I take the left, heading for the dairy section at the end of the store to finish up my grocery list, I see him strolling in the same direction. The sight of him has me stopping in my tracks right there in the middle of the store.

  My eyes roam over his tall, muscular form as he walks with purpose and long strides. Heat flares all over my body, and I shift on my feet as heat starts to thrum between my legs as I watch the way his dark wash jeans fit just right around his perfectly shaped behind and strong thighs. The way his black T-shirt barely contains the lean but powerful muscles of his arms and back. I pick up a slow pace, pushing my cart, as my eyes keep traveling over him. The heat radiating from my cheeks is so hot you could probably fry an egg on my face.

  He doesn’t spare a glance to anyone around him, his head staying straight ahead as he walks. But that doesn’t stop those around him from gawking. Heads turn as he passes people by. He’s completely unaware of the effect he has on them—men and women alike. But mostly the women, which has a suspiciously odd feeling that must be jealousy igniting in my belly. Making it churn with unease.

  I watch as woman after woman, girl after girl, stop and stare at him. Primping their hair. Straightening out their clothes. Checking their faces in the reflection of their phones. As if they’d even have a chance with a man as alluring and mysterious as him.

  I’ve never been a jealous person. Sure, girls used to look at and flirt with Trevor when we were together, but it never caused jealousy to burn through me and singe me from the inside out. I knew I could trust him, and I was confident in our relationship. It’s just something I’ve never experienced before. Until now. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why in the world that both frightens and excites me all at once.

  EVERYWHERE I TURN IT SEEMS I’m running into Keelynn. From the diner to the grocery store to anywhere in town. It doesn’t matter where I am; for the last month and a half it seems her smiling face is there, too. And even when she isn’t around, I can’t fucking escape her. Now my nightmares consist of everything I lost…and her. Her smile, her laugh, her peppy and cheerful attitude. She’s seeping into every aspect of my life, and I’ve barely spoken a dozen words to her.

  So it doesn’t fucking surprise me that as I’m walking toward the coffee shop one morning, I see her petite self hanging an open sign outside of what must be her bookstore. Looking up, I see I’m right. Between the Pages.

  “Well, good morning there, tough guy,” she says, and smiles when she catches sight of me. Brightening up the overcast day.

  For a split second I think about walking by, but decide against it. “Morning.” My short reply has that smile widening and that dimple denting deeper. I’m fucking mesmerized.

  “Off to work?”

  “Day off.” Is my reply when I finally pull it together and take my eyes off of her beautiful face.

  “Oh, goodie then.” She claps her hands excitedly as she replies, “You’ll have time to stop in and pick up that book I owe you.”

  My hard look doesn’t deter her. Nor does it dim her joy. She keeps smiling, then turns to walk back inside.

  I look down the sidewalk toward the café that was my original destination. Where there are no smiles, green eyes, or pretty faces. But again, I decide against leaving and follow her inside.

  Stepping through the door, I’m greeted with the feeling of comfort. Large windows are on every wall letting in an abundance of natural light, even on this cloudy day. All white bookshelves line the walls between each and stand in rows, creating aisles throughout the space. The one bare wall behind the counter is painted a pale yellow with the quote I’ve lived a thousand lives scrawled in large, scripted letters. With different books hanging in shadow boxes in any free space around the quote. I notice two photos sit on a shelf behind the counter. An unlit candle sits between the two frames, and as I squint to get a better look, I notice a plastic card is tucked into a bottom corner of each frame. One is of an older couple who must be in their mid to late sixties and the other has a younger guy I’d peg to be in his early twenties w
ith his arms wrapped around a smiling Keelynn.

  That ache hits my chest again at seeing that smile of hers no doubt caused by him. I wonder if it’s that Tony guy she mentioned that first day I met her. I rumble a grunt at that thought.

  “The suspense and thriller section is right over here.” She points to her left from her spot next to me. Dragging me from my thoughts. “End of the row.” Her smile still in place.

  I wonder if she’s ever not smiling. But when I try to envision it, it feels all off, and I decide right then that a day when she isn’t smiling would be a bitterly cold day.

  I look at her and shake my head at her assessment, but head that way nonetheless. She’s right, if I read it would be something of the likes of Stephen King.

  “Hope you find something you like,” she exclaims to my back. I can hear that smile in her voice. It’s as if it has a life of its own.

  Every single time I’ve seen her, she’s been smiling. She’s been cheerful and happy and talkative. I’ve noticed she’s like that with everyone, too. After running into her at the grocery store last week, I saw her talking with an elderly man just before I left. He was enthralled. I know the feeling. When she’s talking to you, she offers you her full attention. Her entire smile. Pink lips stretched across perfect white teeth. Blinding and beaming and so damn bright it’s captivating. Like sunshine. It wraps you up in its warmth.

  Shaking my head, I try to focus on the collection of books in front of me when I hear her sweet voice break across the room. “Hey, Toni, mind helping me with this box of paperbacks?”

  My chest starts to tighten with something that feels an awful lot like jealousy again; just like the first day she mentioned this guy and not five minutes ago when I saw that photo.

  The feeling threatens to consume me until I hear the voice hollering back. “Sure thing, Boss Lady.”

  A woman’s voice. An older woman’s voice if I’m not mistaken. I shake my head again and crack a smile at my stupidity as the unease drains from my body.

  “Well, my, my, my, what do we have here?” I hear that same voice ask right next to me.

  My smile drops as I look over my shoulder to see an older woman, probably in her mid to late sixties, with short, white hair streaked with blue. She’s wearing a tie-dyed top with beads around her neck. It isn’t the same woman from the photo, that much I can tell. The woman standing in front of me is short but lean. While the woman in the photo was short and pleasantly plump.

  When I turn and she sees my face, hers splits into a knowing grin. “You must be Merrick.” I’m taken aback by the fact she knows my name. My confusion must register because she continues on after a beat. “Keelynn told me about you.”

  She’s been talking about me?

  For some reason, that has a smirk lifting the side of my mouth.

  A gasp sounds from next to me, and I shift quickly to see Keelynn standing next to who I assume is Toni.

  “He does smile,” she utters in disbelief. And it actually seems genuine. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly agape.

  “And what a smile it is,” the older woman says in a dreamy tone. Hands clasped together against her cheek.

  “Toni.”

  I was right.

  “Are you swooning right now?”

  “What?” Toni asks, incredulous. “Did you not see that smirk on his gorgeous face? So sue me,” she huffs and starts walking down the aisle to the front of the store. “You take your time. I’ll take care of these boxes. Good meeting you, Merrick.” She waves her fingers in the air as she walks away.

  “You, too,” I reply. Even though we weren’t officially introduced.

  Keelynn smiles over her shoulder then looks up at me. “She’s a crazy one, but you gotta love her.”

  I nod in understanding. She does seem to be a little out there.

  “So, find anything you like?” she then asks. Excitement lighting her features.

  Then before I can answer that I haven’t even had much time to look, a little voice pierces the air.

  “Auntie KeeKee!” Is exclaimed before a whirlwind of blonde hair and pink shoes comes barreling toward us.

  “My LeeLee,” she exclaims back and drops to a squat to catch the little girl. Big smile even bigger and brighter if that’s even possible.

  What is it about this woman and her smile? It’s like I can’t even function when it’s shining within a hundred feet of me.

  My chest constricts painfully at the little voice that starts to speak again. It sounds so much like my Lila’s did. “Look what I got at the book fair yesterday at school!” The girl’s excited little voice infiltrates the air.

  “Lena, how many times do I have to tell you about your inside voice?” Another woman, who must be her mother, asks in a huff as she follows close behind. “Oh…” she breathes out when she sees me behind Keelynn.

  Standing, Keelynn introduces us. “Merrick, this is my sister, Campbell. Campbell, this is Merrick. He’s new in town.” Her normally bright smile is no less bright, but it’s smaller. Shy. A light shade of pink hits the apples of her cheeks.

  I shake Campbell’s offered hand and look down at the little girl staring up at me when she introduces her. “And this is my daughter, Lena. Say hi, Lena.”

  The little girl turns into her mother’s leg and waves shyly. A barely there look from blue eyes under blonde pigtails. Another pang of something deep and painful hits my chest at the familiar set of bright blues.

  I start to smile at her, then freeze when I see what’s tucked under her arm. The pain sweeps me under.

  “Daddy, it’s time for our bedtime story.” Lila sits with her legs folded under her, bopping up and down on her twin-sized bed. Sweet smile on her sweet face. Black pigtails bouncing with her joy.

  I pick her up and she squeals before I tuck her under the covers, kiss her forehead, then sit next to her.

  Opening the book, I read the first lines of her favorite bedtime story.

  Goodnight Moon.

  Coming out of my past, I shake my head and try to breathe. “I have to go,” I murmur quickly. My chest tight and heaving for air.

  “Merrick, are you all right?” Keelynn’s voice is strained with worry. Her bright smile nowhere in sight. A hand gently placed on my bicep.

  “Fine. Just have to go,” I clip out. Then shake off her soothing touch and move past the small group of women to get out into the fresh air.

  I catch Toni’s worried gaze as I stumble through the front door. Once I make it outside I heave a much-needed deep breath, but it doesn’t matter.

  The memory still haunts me.

  The pain still consumes me.

  And the jagged pieces left of my heart still ache with their loss as if it just happened yesterday.

  I WATCH HIM PLOW THROUGH the front door. Then see him stand stock-still outside of the window. His larger than life presence taking up the entire sidewalk as people give him a wide berth as they pass by. His chest heaves as he shakes his head and stalks back in the direction he came from earlier.

  My face drops into a deep frown as I watch him go.

  One minute he was fine. The almost smile on his face completely holding me captive. Then Campbell and LeeLee came in and it’s as if he shut down. A dazed look taking over his rugged, handsome face. He spaced out and then snapped.

  But it wasn’t anger that radiated off of him. It was pain. Loss. Heartache. Which in turn is causing my chest to constrict and ache. I know that feeling all too well.

  “What’s wrong with that man, Mommy?” LeeLee’s little voice has me looking down at her. Her pretty, innocent face is pinched in worry as she looks up at my sister.

  Campbell runs a soothing hand over her daughter’s blonde hair, running the ponytail through her fingers. “I don’t know, baby.” Her eyes cut to mine. Questions flashing through the same green color as mine.

  I squat back down to get to Lena’s eye level and grab her hands. Rubbing my thumbs in soothing circles in the palms of each
. “It’s okay, sweetie. Mr. Merrick just forgot he had something to do. Everything’s fine.”

  Gosh, I hope everything is fine.

  Toni’s worried gaze comes into view behind Campbell and Lena. I know it must match mine. “Hey, little Lena,” she speaks up, causing LeeLee to drop my hands when she turns around. “I brought in some of my famous chocolate chip cookies today. Why don’t we break into those puppies now? Sneak a few before anyone else?” She waggles her eyebrows as she bites her bottom lip. A mischievous glint taking over the worry in her eyes.

  LeeLee’s little face lights up as any six-year-old’s would at the mention of having chocolate chip cookies in the morning.

  Campbell laughs lightly as she nods her consent. “Just a couple though, little lady. You just had breakfast and it’s still too early for cookies.”

  Toni gives her a horrified look. Eyes comically wide, her mouth matching. “It is never too early for my chocolate chip oatmeal cookies,” she admonishes. Causing me to chuckle. “There is oatmeal in them, which could technically make them a breakfast food.” Not caring that an impressionable six-year-old is standing next to her, witnessing the entire exchange. Toni proceeds to stick her tongue out at my sister in a so-there gesture.

  Lena’s small shoulders bounce as a giggle trickles out from behind her hand clasped over her mouth. Campbell rolls her eyes playfully and shoos them along.

  We watch the woman who was a second grandmother to us growing up walk hand-in-hand with our most favorite little person in the world until they turn out of view.

  While Toni distracts Lena, Campbell grabs my arm and pulls my attention to her. “What the hell, KeeKee? That’s the guy you’ve been going on about?”

  I run a hand over my face before I answer her. “I haven’t been going on about him. But yes, that’s him, and I have no idea what happened. The times I’ve seen him he’s always been quiet and aloof. Brooding even. But he’s never reacted like that.”